A lady in her late 50s approached me in 2021 and requested advice about her relationship, Dr. Adedara Oduguwa PhD said.
“She mentioned how her husband wasted her 30 years with nothing to show for it. The couple had two girls together, both of whom are adults. She mentioned how the man is not ambitious, selfish, and not progressing. After several persuasions from me, she insisted on leaving him.”
Then I asked her, “Do you think if you leave him, you will be happier? Do you think if you leave him you will still achieve your ambitions? Do you think if you leave him you can still get a better man to marry you? Do you think if you leave him you will be able to regain the 30 wasted years?”
Her response was, “Well, I cannot tolerate him any longer. There is a 40-year-old guy that likes me. He’s very handsome and muscular. Oh my God Dara! You need to see this guy. We have not had sex, but he’s good. I know I will be happier if I leave my husband. I also have a Dr. in the US, about my age. He was my first love. But we couldn’t marry because I was young and naive at the time. He still wants me.”
I told her, “I cannot advise you to remain in a place of sadness. I don’t believe in for better for worse, especially if it’s not contributing to your happiness. I cannot also advise you on marriage at your age. You have been married for almost all the years I have spent on earth.
However, if you have to do this, be sure you would be happier! Otherwise, it doesn’t worth it at your age. Concerning the men you mentioned, many of us want sex, and not a wife. That a man is disturbing a married woman doesn’t mean he’s in love with marrying her. He may just be in love with her body for that moment.
You are almost my mom’s age, and I know it will be difficult to get a young man of 40, 50, or even a man of your age that will be willing to marry you. As a man, there is something about us, we are always moved by what we see. It’s difficult for a 40-year-old lady to be more attractive than an 18-year-old girl. With due respect, this is the truth about men. I want you to think of these men you mentioned in this light.
In contrast, apart from all you mentioned about your husband, is there nothing he’s doing right?”
Her response was, “Nothing. I am the one doing everything for us. My parents are rich. When I was young, everyone wanted me. My husband was sick for 10 years, and I stood by him. I would have left him, but I want him to heal before I go. Now he’s healed. I am tired.”
I reluctantly accepted her claim and we ended the phone conversation. Two years later, she called me to celebrate her divorce.
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“Dara, finally I am free. We had a bitter conversation, and I called the police. The police just separated us now. My daughters are supporting their father. They won’t talk to me. They believe I am the problem. They don’t care about my happiness.”
I asked her, “Are you happy now?”
Her response was, “To be honest, that’s not the feeling now. I am very angry with myself. I waited too long. But I don’t feel happy yet, I think I am still trying to get myself together. I get angry too easily these days. I don’t know if I am still reacting to the divorce or my children.”
A few weeks ago, she called again, “Dara, you didn’t even check on me. It’s unfair in these trying times. Things have been very tough for me. Life has been miserable. I think I am close to being depressed. I am not happy at all. I don’t know why everyone is making me feel rejected. My world is crumbling.”
I replied, “Ah! I am sorry I have been busy. You know how the UK is. In any case, I didn’t know you are going through a lot. I thought you are very happy now or even already married to the Carve-Man (the way she called the 40-year-old boyfriend) or your first love the Dr. What really happened?”
She said, “Ah! Marriage, I am not thinking of that again. Everyone left me. I am shocked. And I missed my husband. I don’t even know why I am thinking about him these days. Anyway, can you please send me £50? I need it for something urgent.”
From this case, you could see how the woman couldn’t quantify the intangibles the man was doing for her. She also overestimated herself in the face of men. Men! No woman can predict us. Don’t leave your husband for 5-minutes sex.
Most men only want sex, not another wife. And if a man is already giving 20% money and 80% intangible values, do appreciate him. No one would be able to give a 100% mix of money and intangible values.
Men are the ones marrying women. Women are the ones in need of men. Think well before leaving your man for frivolities. This is a true life story inspired by introspection.