When depression is hidden

I find this article very interesting and quite relevant to our situation in this very challenging period of our national life where a significant number of our people are actually depressed without knowing it or making an effort to hide it. This article was originally written by Dr. John Grohol, author, researcher and online mental health expert and has been writing about mental health and psychology since 1992.

However, the following signs may point to the depression such individuals may have been trying to hide.

• They have unusual sleeping, eating or drinking habits that differ from their normal ones.

When a person seems to have significantly changed the way they sleep or eat, it’s often a sign that something is wrong. If someone can’t sleep every day (or sleeps way too long), it could be a sign of hidden depression. Others turn to food or alcohol to try and suppress their feelings.

Overeating can help someone who is depressed feel full, making them feel less emotionally empty inside. Drinking can be used to cover up the feelings of sadness and loneliness that often accompany depression. Sometimes a person also goes the other way and loses all interest in eating or drinking.

• They wear a forced “happy face” and are always making excuses.

We’ve all seen someone trying to force happiness. It’s a mask we all wear sometimes. But in most cases the mask gets thinner the longer you spend time with the person wearing it. That is why many people with hidden depression try not to spend more time with others than is strictly necessary. They always seem to have a quick and ready excuse for not being able to hang out, eat out or see you. It’s hard to see behind the mask of happiness that people with hidden depression wear. Sometimes you can catch a glimpse of it in a moment of honesty, or when a conversation falls silent.

• They may talk more philosophically than usual.

When you finally catch up with a person with masked depression, the conversation may spiral into philosophical topics they don’t usually talk about much. These can include the meaning of life, or what their lives have achieved so far. They may even open up enough to acknowledge occasional thoughts of wanting to hurt themselves or even thoughts of death. They can talk about finding happiness or a better path in life’s journey. These kinds of topics can be a sign that someone is struggling internally with dark thoughts that they are afraid to share.

• They may let out a cry for help, only to take it back.

People with hidden depression struggle fiercely with keeping it hidden. Sometimes they give up trying to hide their true feelings and tell someone about it. They may even take the first step and make an appointment with a doctor or therapist, and a handful of people even make it to the first session. But then they wake up the next day and realize they’ve gone too far. Seeking help for their depression would be like admitting they really are depressed. That’s a recognition that many people with hidden depression struggle with and can’t make. No one else should see their weakness.

5. They feel things more intensely than usual.

A person with masked depression often feels emotions more intensely than others. This can seem like someone who normally doesn’t cry while watching a TV show or movie suddenly burst into tears during a poignant scene. Or someone who normally doesn’t get angry about anything suddenly becomes very angry with a driver who cuts him off in traffic. Or someone who doesn’t usually express affection suddenly tells you they love you. It’s as if by putting all of their depressed feelings in a box, other feelings leak around the edges more easily.

6. They may look at things with a less optimistic outlook than usual.

This is depressive realism when such individuals appear to have a more realistic view of the world around them. For example, while normal people tend to be more optimistic about living conditions, those who try to hide depression may say things like, “Well, I’m up for that promotion again, but I doubt I’ll get it.” they may be more involved in overtly religiously prescribed problem-solving approaches, to the detriment of their overall quality of life.

If one meets any of these complaints, it is advisable to see a psychiatrist or other mental health professional for effective intervention to prevent suicide.