He threatens me with violence

Dear Bunmi: My husband and I have been married for close to 15 years and I love him. He loves me too in his own way and is a good father to the children.

Recently, his love has turned to vicious jealousy. He believes I’ve always indulged in secret affairs and has compiled a list of ‘suspects’, which includes my former boss, a friend’s husband and my new boss.

Now he’s resorting to violence. He’s threatening he would maim me if I don’t confess to all these drummed up affairs, and the children are getting a bit frightened of him. The last straw was when he recently grabbed me by the throat because I was dancing so seductively at an outdoor party.

I’m thinking of leaving him, as I don’t want to lose my life or limbs because of a crime I’m not guilty of, but he said he would kill the two of us if I tried to leave.

Should I go to the police?

Awawu, by e-mail.

Dear Awawu,

Jealousy in small doses is fine, but your husband is paranoid and needs help. Is he happy in his job?

Why should he start exhibiting insane jealous traits all of a sudden? Unfortunately, jealous people are dangerous people, and if your husband does not want to seek medical help, I’m afraid you have to find an alternate accommodation away from him.

You are right; your children need you alive than maimed or dead.

Have a word with him and show him you’re prepared to help him beat his illness if he would seek help.

If possible, involve his close friends. You’ll also discover that most often, the type of threats he issues have no bite to them once you top-up his confidence.