Opinon Article

Friendship Lifetime Theorem — Adedara Oduguwa, Ph.D

Published

5 days ago

September 28, 2025

For some days now, I have committed my time to thinking through the meaning of friendship and the conceptual framework behind it. From such moment of thought, I coined the Friendship Lifetime Theorem. Which posits that friendship is based on value and investment or the absence of both leading to lifetime cost or liability.

According to the Longman Dictionary (2025), friendship is a relationship between friends. It is a voluntary agreement to stay together and somewhat unconditional.

Similarly, Oxford English Dictionary (2024) defines friendship as “a state of mutual trust and support between two people.” This highlights not only companionship, but also the deeper values of loyalty and reciprocity that underpin human relationships.

Over the years, and based on empirical observation through a longitudinal approach spanning three decades, I have come to the conclusion that friendship can be divided into four uneven but interrelated categories:

1. Friendship Lifetime Value (FLV)

2. Friendship Lifetime Liability (FLL), or investment, with its extensions FLO and FLI

3. Friendship Lifetime Problem (FLP)

4. Friendship Lifetime Support (FLS)

Friendship Lifetime Value (FLV): This refers to the propensity of the value derived from the moments of friendship. The value may be monetary or non-monetary, tangible or intangible, but it is assessed over the period of the relationship.

For instance, if you befriended someone at the age of twenty and are now forty, you may look back and ask: What value has this friendship truly brought into my life? If the balance shows more gain than loss, then this is a friendship you would not want to lose. That individual represents your FLV.

It must be emphasised that the length of a friendship is not a prerequisite for its value. Some connections may last a day yet leave an eternal impact. What ultimately matters is the value derived, not the duration.

Friendship Lifetime Liability (FLL/FLO/FLI): Every friendship carries costs. I term this the Friendship Lifetime Liability (FLL), also referred to as Friendship Lifetime Cost or Investment. This encompasses the time, effort, financial resources, emotional energy, and communal responsibilities required to maintain a relationship.

Such costs are not to be despised; rather, they represent the investment that strengthens the bond of friendship. True friendships acknowledge and reciprocate these efforts, while exploitative ones often neglect them.

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Without this liability, no friendship can thrive. In fact, we often value more the people into whom we have invested, than those from whom we merely gain. The return on this investment may be expressed mathematically:

Friendship Lifetime Output (FLO)= FLV / FLL * 100.

If the cost of a friendship surpasses its derived value, then that friendship is not sustainable and may not be worth preserving.

Friendship Lifetime Problem (FLP): Another important dimension is what I term the Friendship Lifetime Problem (FLP). This refers to persistent or recurring problems arising from association with a person or institution. When a friendship consistently generates problems without delivering proportionate value, it ceases to warrant investment. In such cases, the appropriate response is not to increase input but to initiate an exit strategy.

Friendship Lifetime Support (FLS): The final and arguably most crucial category is Friendship Lifetime Support (FLS). This is the deliberate effort to sustain and preserve valued friendships. It is the protective measure that guards an FLV from becoming a liability.

Support, in this context, is not only about financial aid but also about ideas, gestures, encouragement, collaboration, and presence in times of need. It reflects the willingness to give rather than to take.

Over the years, I have been able to maintain friendships with billionaires and influential political figures by adhering to this principle: I prefer to give rather than to take from them. Many people lose highly valued relationships because of incessant requests for money or personal gain.

Unlike the poor, the wealthy are accustomed to being approached with demands. To remain in their circle of friendship, one must stand out by offering genuine value; ideas, thoughtful gestures, intellectual contributions, or meaningful gifts. Asking is not wrong, but it should come after one has first given something of value.

Wealthy individuals rarely give without expecting value in return. In the hierarchy of these categories, FLS is the most achievable, while FLV remains the most desirable.